Mental Health Reimagined

I hear this question consistently from clients and there really is no right or wrong answer, however there are some important issues to consider when making this very challenging decision. There are many men and women that will endure and submit to an abusive partner with their kids’ “best interest” in mind and while that kind of sacrifice appears endearing, there comes a point when you must look at your situation objectively and ask yourself “is this really what my kids deserve”? Some parents dismiss and minimize the horrific circumstances they are in because they truly feel that their own happiness is just not as pertinent as the stability of their family, when in actuality our personal sense of happiness is not only contagious, but also directly related to the psychological development of our children.

Much of the fear behind leaving an abusive partner, whether it be emotional, verbal, physical, financial or other forms abuse is not knowing how the child or children will react to the separation. It is important, however, to keep in mind that Co-Parenting is not only possible but can be a much healthier alternative to a child watching their parents suffer in an unfulfilling and toxic relationship. Often times when kids grow up learning that their parents stayed together only for the sake of their children, they feel cheated as they reflect on the front their parents projected for so many years. On the other hand, children of divorce may grow up fearing long-term relationships and anticipate an unsuccessful result in their own marriage. The most important aspect of acting on your pursuit to stay or go is your safety and the safety of your child/children.

If the relationship you’re in is abusive in any way, shape or form it may be time to seriously evaluate your situation. Sometimes a partner can be a great parent but an absolutely awful mate, in this case Co-parenting is a very plausible option. Although choosing to leave an abusive relationship for the sake of your own sanity, health and children’s wellbeing seems like the best possible solution, it is not as easy as seems. There are so many factors involved in making this kind of decision that many couples feel the obstacles are just not worth the possible outcome. Here are some helpful tips when considering this life altering decision

• Make a list of pros and cons. Ask yourself “what would the benefits/positives of staying in this relationship be and what are the negatives”? Though an outsider may be able to look in and see the red flags from a mile away, when you’re actually the one in the situation it can be very difficult to “see the forest from the trees”. Keeping a list of your thoughts and feelings can help you sort through the mixed emotions you may be experiencing.
• It is very important to remember that not everyone will agree with your decision to stay or go, so it’s very crucial to be completely confident in whatever you end up deciding to do. There may be criticism so be prepared to face the adversity that often comes with living authentically.
• Do exhaust every effort in trying to repair your relationship, unless you are being harmed and in need of immediate intervention. In this case call your local Police Station or Domestic Violence Hotline immediately to get assistance with relocation and other Domestic Violence Resources.
• Reach out to someone outside of your circle of friends and family to get an objective point of view on what may be occurring in your relationship and how it can be affecting you and your child/children. An Elttila Counselor can help you to look at your options and devise a plan for change. Whether it’s learning how to work things out with your partner or deciding to leave the potentially toxic relationship, our counselors and Educational Program can help you along the way.

If you’re still unsure whether or not staying or leaving a toxic relationship is best for you and your children, consider trying out our unique coaching and educational approach to wellness by signing up for a FREE account today at http://www.elttila.com.